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“Just take those old records off the shelf…”

Ahem, now that we’ve got that song in your head (and more importantly, now that the parents are out of town on a trip, it’s time to take advantage of your newfound freedom and… well, dance in your underwear, primarily. Yes yes, of course there are other activities in which to take part, but you’re also a serious student. You don’t want to get carried away. You’re trying to get into Princeton, after all! Okay fine, maybe you should take your dad’s Porche out. Don’t worry, he’ll probably never know. We know it’s his pride and joy but so what? Live a little! In fact, bring your friend along, the one who always has the bad ideas that are guaranteed to get you in trouble with your parents. Why not? Your parents aren’t even around so everything should go fine.

Alright so it turns out you met up with a… ummm, “woman of the night”, she stole your mom’s favorite crystal egg (huh??? Sidenote: why does your mom have such terrible taste in decor? A giant crystal egg? Besides, of course that’s going to be the first thing someone steals!), so she stole your egg and you need to get it back but you also kind of have feelings for this girl, maybe? Well, you’re in way over your head by now and you just dunked your dad’s prized Porche in Lake Michigan! What a disaster! Might as well just keep digging that hole of yours! Everything will surely work out. And if it doesn’t, just keep dancing in your underwear. Just keep those shades on.