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You seem like a polite young man. You’re traditional in a way, always disapproving of breaches in etiquette or outright bullying. Some might say you would make a great catch. After all, people always say to find a man that can cook.

You might have some peculiar eating habits but no one would say you’re anything but a gentleman of taste. In fact, when you recently had the Baltimore Orchestra’s Board of directors over you received only compliments on your cooking. No one who could argue that you didn’t know how to turn a phrase or pick out a nice suit. Yes, if it wasn’t for your strange tastes you could have risen to any rank in society. You’ve been a prosperous psychiatrist and if you hadn’t developed an appetite for a certain patient perhaps you would have been more successful. As it is you’re had your up and downs but you certainly know how to live a fine lifestyle.

This Halloween, don’t become the obvious villain, handing out threats like candy at a parade. We’ve all learned over the years that evil can be refined and polite. This checked suit is right out of Dr. Lector’s wardrobe, he’d approve of its sophisticated style. All you need to do now? Host a Halloween dinner party, maybe serve some fava beans. What’s that saying from Julia Child, again, “People who love to eat people are always the best people “. Perhaps we’re paraphrasing but we’re pretty sure that’s correct.