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Postage paid! The woman of your dreams, delivered right to your doorstep snow or rain, heat or gloom of night––wait, that’s an unofficial motto? So these mail carriers could just wait it out for perfect weather if they REALLY wanted to? No wonder people use FedEx!

Want to help the U.S. Postal Service’s business? Live out the ultimate aspiration, every woman’s fantasy: being shipped off to a foreign country to marry a man you’ve never met! Even in case of wrongful delivery, please do not return to sender! She doesn’t have enough water in there to make it back to the Eastern Bloc alive! You’ve got a new member of the family whether you ordered her or not! If bride’s new hubby doesn’t suit her fancy, try running away with the mailman! He’s got a healthy tan and calves to die for from walking around hilly residential neighborhoods all day; not like that guy who ordered her peeking out from behind the curtains.

The practice of eligible women advertising themselves to bachelors through a catalogue-like service developed in the 1800s. Men living on the Western frontier of America sought brides from crowded cities on America’s East Coast, eager to make a new life for themselves. Whoa, talk about pulling out all the stops in order to land a boyfriend! It turns out that because of various historical factors, there is a large difference between the number of women and men! Well, Mother Russia’s misfortune happened to be unlucky-in-love Americans’ stroke of good luck! So practice your best Slavic accent before you go out in this costume. Just don’t try actually mailing yourself in this––it’s not legal postage! Could double as a really enthusiastic stamp collector or your postage-themed wedding.