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Do not attempt to adjust your picture. We are controlling transmission.
You remember being a kid, the picture on the television going wacky. Greens, blues, reds. Black squares. White squares. Bar code like things. A visual xylophone. You wanted to run your little fabric mallet over it to see if it made fun sounds. Your mom told you not to touch the TV screen.
As adults we never see that test pattern any more. The broadcast companies took over control of the transmission, just like on the Outer Limits. They take care of the quality of your television picture. Making sure the picture comes in crisp, and clear. Making sure the colors are saturated just right. But we kind of liked the funky test pattern—just not when it interrupted Space Ghost Coast to Coast.
Now that you no longer live with your parents, you get to decide what being an adult means. You can wear this Men’s OppoSuits Testival Suit. Wear it to a festive Christmas party. Or to watch the ball drop on New Year’s Eve. Or just while you watch all your favorite childhood cartoons. You will always have the perfect picture quality (and not just because it is controlled automatically by the broadcast company), during reruns of the ThunderCats, Ren and Stimpy, and Space Ghost. And if you want to try playing the xylophone on your TV screen go right ahead, your mom isn’t here to stop you anymore. We suggest doing it gently though.