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There are many valid reasons why we believe it’s okay to take the long way to your destination if it means avoiding a bridge. We’ve thought about this a lot, actually, on late night strolls on city streets far from any bridge. Can you tell we may have an opinion?

Heights suck. So, first of all, it will always be acceptable, in our view, to take a long way around if it means avoiding the sight of ten-story buildings below your midsection. That sounds like stress we don’t need in our lives. Next, what if the route around the bridge simply consists of more scenic sights? Provided a concrete semi-oval suspended in mid-air on one hand and an idyllic city park, laced with small animals, the chatter of birds, and various shades of green on the other, we will take the latter eleven times out of ten.

We also would never, ever cross a bridge if we heard rumors of a troll, or of a toll, or of a troll toll. Not when there are trolls like this lurking about. Just look at those teeth—and that eye! Yuck. You can scare wimps like us with a costume in the troll’s honor. Who knows, maybe they’ll even let you pass their bridge since you look so…erm, familiar. Add an axe or dagger, green makeup on your hands, and witty non-sequiturs to your arsenal and no one will want to cross your bridge. In fact, we would never, even if there was a fire. In fact, the thought of your green skin is the sole reason we avoid bridges altogether. The rest were simply excuses, so thanks a lot.