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Sometimes we feel like we missed out on a lot by watching so many cartoons and playing so many videogames when we were kids—and this is one of those times. Because if we had only known a little bit more about the seedy particulars of organized crime, we could be living out the thrilling capers of a gangster moll instead of looking at this alluring costume and imagining what might have been.

As it turns out, there’s a surprisingly long tradition of women working their way into the mix through their associations with some of the baddest gangsters of all time! And plenty of them took over the family business after their male companions kicked the bucket or got sent to the big house. It’s one of those high-risk, high-rewards kinds of jobs, but it sounds a lot more exciting than whatever we were doing when we should have been getting in the boss’s good graces.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20. Hey, maybe that explains why old-school gangster fashion always looks so sharp! And the classic pinstripes of this dress are made even more appealing by a few more modern touches, like two pairs of prim pink buttons on the torso and a showy matching neckerchief.

Okay, fine. Stay in school kids! Don’t go around robbing banks and peddling bootleg liquor, even if this superb outfit would make you look really cool doing it! Is that better, PR department? Is that what you wanted us to say?